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Contemplation EP

by Athenas Wake

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1.
Diagnosis 05:16
I will never be the same, no one knows how I feel because the pain is too much to understand. My skin is burning faster than anything. Forcing my weight to stand up, walking back and forth to try and figure out why I physically feel so much agony in my bones. My family is very supportive and their trying to suggest what might be wrong. I want to staple my ears shut. I don’t want to hear the truth about what’s really wrong with me, too much reality to deal with. I am running in denial, not being cautious about every step that I take and every move I make. My sisters are trying to explain but I wont have it, I need an escapism. I’m too scared to listen. I’m too scared to listen. I'm too scared to listen. I am being selfish, put your fucking foot down and face the music bitch. I need to realize it’s not the end of the world. I shall do what is right. I am being selfish, I need to put my fucking foot down and face the music. I need to realize it’s not the end of the world. I shall do what is right. Take me in, feed me shit, fix me up, Doctor please? Take me in, feed me shit, fix me up, Doctor please? This is so unfair, why did I deserve this bullshit? My body is in agony. My skin is inflaming. My muscles are deteriorating into nothing. I can’t feel anything anymore. Help me get out of this unexpected nightmare. Get me out of it. Everyone better hold me down before I erupt out of fucking control. How can I commit to this shit? I am being selfish, put your fucking foot down and face the music bitch. I need to realize it’s not the end of the world. I shall do what is right. I am being selfish, I need to put my fucking foot down and face the music. I need to realize it’s not the end of the world. I shall do what is right. How can I commit to this shit? I have no hope. This hurt will never end. How could I be so unlucky when I’m such a good human being? If the torture ever ends please don’t let it repeat? Save me. Save me. I won’t fight this on my own unless somebody fucking helps me. Taking samples of my wounds to find and answer. I’m so nervous I’m about to fucking pass out. The tests are back and I’m so shocked to fucking find out. This is a permanent disease and it may never go away. This is the lowest point in my life, It has all come to an end. I wish I could turn back the clock, control time with my own fucking hands. This is the lowest point in my life, It has all come to an end. I wish I could turn back the clock, control time with my own fucking hands. This hurt will never end. How could I be so unlucky when I’m such a good human being? If the torture ever ends please don’t let it repeat? I can’t fight this horrible journey. Help me. Please save me. I’m such a good human being. But I am being selfish, put your fucking foot down and face the music. I need to realize it’s not the end of the world. I shall do what is right. I am being selfish, I need to put my fucking foot down and face the music. I need to realize it’s not the end of the world. All I ask is that you take me in, feed me shit, fix me up, doctor please? Take me in, feed me shit, fix me up, doctor please? I need to realise it's not the end of the world. Hurry up before it’s too late. Hurry up.
2.
This is real. This is real. How did it ever get this far to the point with me laying here in my own filth? In my own filth. Drowning in my own negative thoughts and sorrows. Nothing but doubt and disbelief in my heart. I can’t help the way I feel, If only there was a way I could feel differently. It’s too hard when you’re in this state and all you see is every little negative thing 10 miles down the road. Don’t act like that. Be positive and your spirits will lift higher than ever. Don’t act like that. Be positive and your spirits will lift higher than ever. Understand these words I’m telling you or else you’ll be stuck in hospital with an egotistic attitude. With and egotistic attitude. Understand these words I’m telling you or else you’ll be stuck in hospital with an egotistic attitude. With and egotistic attitude. What the fuck was that? Who in the hell is talking to me? Where did that voice come from? I must be going crazy or tripping on the drugs that they gave me. Is this possible? Stop making excuses and admit what you hear. I am your conscience telling you to quit acting like a bitch. Look around the room and realize what you’ve got. People are here for you and you won’t even give them a shot. Give them a shot. Please give them a shot Give them a shot. Wake up to your fucking actions. Take charge, it may flip the script. It could potentially change everything. Wake up to your fucking actions. Take charge, it may flip the script. It could potentially change everything. So sleep on this speech I just presented to you. Come back tomorrow with a smile, thank you. Sweating and squirming in my sleep, I hear that voice again. Get out of my head. I see a vision in my dream, how can this be? I’m in a wheelchair and I’m 50 with no one around me. Don’t act like that. Be positive and your spirits will lift higher than ever. Don’t act like that. Be positive and your spirits will lift higher than ever. Understand these words I’m telling you or else you’ll be stuck in hospital with an egotistic attitude. With and egotistic attitude. This is what will happen if you don’t listen to me. Pay attention to this message, consider it a gift. I am going for good now. This is your last chance kid. His voice disappears as I die in my dream. Holy shit, you’ve made your point. Life is precious. I now regret everything I’ve said. Let me wake up to fix what I’ve done. This is real. This is real. This is real. This is real.
3.
Epiphany 02:26
4.
Remission 06:18
It’s Showtime. It’s time to get up off my feet and make a difference for myself, just like I should’ve in the beginning of this all. It’s Showtime. It’s time to get up off my feet and make a difference for myself, just like I should’ve in the beginning of this all. Rise up. Get up. Take those pills. I need these medications to stay alive and I will. Whether I like it or not this is the way it is. I now accept that fact and I’m determined to rebuild everything. Everyway I behaved was a disaster from the start. It was pointless, selfish and stupid. I can’t believe my actions went that far. Drowning in my own sad thoughts lead me to this spot. Do not be a hero; it will do you no good. I have now learned to control my emotions without upsetting everyone, and I need to fight for my life. This can’t go on. Brush away the mental pain and flush it down the fucking drain. Walking off the physical pain is the only way to walk again. Brush away the mental pain and flush it down the fucking drain. Walking off the physical pain is the only way to walk again. It’s Showtime. It’s time to get up off my feet and make a difference for myself, just like I should’ve in the beginning of this all. Rise up. Get up. Wake up. Take those pills. I need these medications to stay alive and I will. Whether I like it or not this is the way it is. I now accept that fact and I’m Determined to rebuild everything. Every way I behaved was a disaster from the start. It was pointless, selfish and stupid. I can’t believe my actions went that far. The changes I am making are thankfully noticeable. Friends and family are back to support my decisions in this world. So with them by my side, I have developed faith, hope and trust to get better in my mind. And I am getting better, don’t you dare doubt my words. Brush away the mental pain and flush it down the fucking drain. Walking off the physical pain is the only way to walk again. Please keep contemplating. I don’t believe it; I feel the recovery getting closer to the end. Please keep contemplating. I don’t believe it; I feel the recovery getting closer to the end. Here I am once again to congratulate you on your success for fighting till the fucking end. Leave this experience with a message in your head about taking life for granted, don’t forget. I made it. I have survived. I am alive. I made it. I have survived. I am alive.

about

Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at Advent Studios by Andrew Scott
Artwork created by Gragoth at Lucifarium War Graphics

credits

released June 26, 2014

Vocals - Adam Caciolo
Guitar - Alex Bell
Guitar - Alex Hill
Bass - Corey Pearce
Drums - Harry Andrews

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Athenas Wake Geelong, Australia

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